no happily ever after... at least right now

My Prince Charming wasn't so charming after all. I thought that he was the one and only and we'd live happily ever after. Majorly Wrong. This relationship didn't start out like most relationships should have. It was a quick boyfriend/girlfriend period and i should have seen that but i was blind to see it due to being in love or lust not quite sure. I first saw him and thought "no way will i ever have a chance at him. He's to beautiful for a girl like me to be with." He proved me wrong in the three days after of meeting him. We fell for each other in a record breaking speed that would give a person whiplash. Things then got heated way to hot and he proposed to me way earlier then he had originally told me. He told me that we'd date for at least 3 months then he'll propose if we were truly meant to be. I should have said no to the proposal but how could I when his mom as well as both of my parents were there. If it were just me and him and none of our family members I probably would have thought longer about it. Gosh Dang it i'm too much of a good person to do the other choices from being nice. So here we are having like almost 5 or so months of being engaged, him with no job, and I with a broken heart (we both a broken heart). His mom is SO against who was once a friend to her (ie my mom) and Nick and I are totally not on speaking terms. I thought that we could be at least friends but man am I wrong. When it comes to those with Scorpio tendencies that is most likely not an option. They take the hard route while the Virgo I am try to make amends. So what's a girl to do when just about all the guys she's met have had some sort of confusion to where it's no worth understanding nor deciphering? Should I just throw in the towel and forget it? Or should I forgive and forget the transgressions? Tune in next time to see what happens.

listening to Fireflight on pandora. great music btw ^_^ great for heartaches. (go to pandora.com)

** UPDATE** (aka engagement)

hmm wow it has been a long time since i last posted. *pondering* well as of the last post i've been engaged and has been a little over 2 months (was asked to marry Feb. Friday 13th) and lovin every minute of it, decided that Mizzou has gotten to be too much for me so I'm downsizing to a community college for a BS in Business and will be starting hopefully in June '09, learned some things that I didn't know about my family untill just recently, learned that couples can have their own secrets and DON'T need to tell everyone everything ;P, and well I've fallen head over heals for the most amazing man who cares for me like nothing before. He's my one and only my true love and I wouldn't want anything else. He's loved me when I feel I'm at my worst (and look that way too or so i think so). Did i mention he's amazing or the fact that he just keeps surprising me as the days go by?

Kay so i think that is summed up, for now. Alright the engagement details now.So I drove home for the Valentine weekend because i finally had someone special to actually spend it with. I decided to stop by his place before heading out to see my mother dearest at her job. I missed him terribly and i really wanted to see him. Well i though nothing of his antics and just placed them as that he just missed me terribly, too, which he usually tends to do, lol. Well i had worked it out with my mom that i wanted some Beans and Cornbread (that's navy beans and ham all lumped together in a yummyful soulful meal aka comfort food). Well i was to go over to my parents' place to pick up the ingredients to put it together (this is a super easy recipe btw), any who so he thought that we (his mom, him, and me) to go watch the movie Push which just came out in theaters. I was up for it bc i have been wanting to watch it. My parents were planing on heading out to a restaurant for their date night so we had to go to my place to pick up the goodies. Earlier that week was my dad's birthday so i also had his "belated" birthday gifts since i was up in CoMo for the week.

Any ways... on ward on the story. I didn't realize that my then soon to be fiance as well as my parents and his mom had it all planed that he was going to propose to me that weekend.Well he was going to propose on the 14th but his mom told him that it would be best to do it on the 13th that way it will always be memorable PLUS he couldn't wait any longer to propose. So long story short i didn't see the camera just sitting on the dinning table and well other signs as my parents were just chilling... usually they would give me the things and be on their marry way for their dinner date. No here they were just chillin and my honey was sitting on the couch opposite of both our moms on the other couch. so i go sit by him and a few minutes pass and he asked,

"Rachel i have a question for you."

He stands up with one hand holding my hand and he reaches with his other hand into a pants pocket to pull out a ring box. At this point i was shocked as many things were running through my head like "this can't be what i think it is?", "what's going on here?", and "is this a fairytale or a dream?" or "this can't be for real HE can't be serious." Then the unbelieveable happened.

"Rachel, will you marry me?," he asked. No more then a NY minute i had my answer.

"YES!"

Tears were streaming down my face and we even had the ring put on the wrong finger, lol. So all in all i'm EXCITED!! and going to go watch Push with the newly made Fiance with my soon-to-be mom. Well from here i can't remember if we ate dinner first or went to the movie then eat but either way it was good... i couldn't stop looking at my ring and smiling (this is different from the everyday smile i have this was HUGE and GLEAMING). So that's the story of the ENGAGEMENT. Everything from there has just been great or well just good. There have been some roller coaster up and downs but we've gotten through it. He's the one and i'm his one and only. He makes everything better and there are always rainbows and silver linings when i'm with him ^_^

Once in a Lifetime

You won the race and you now hold the key. I won't ever let you go for you are the chosen. The sweetest of flowers and candies can't compare you have the heart that is tarnished.

Only once in a life time does a chance like this come. Only once in an existence do you find yourself lucky only once will I have to search for the one. Once is all it takes to get to know a person and know what you want One time to see into that person's soul and know of their intentions

I've dreamed and wished and prayed for something of this sort. I've cried and begged to have a love so pure and true I looked and searched and I found you you have bewitched every being of me, my mind body and soul.

Only one time will I have to search only once will have to look only to have found a precious stone like you you are my world, my universe, and you are my everything.

no need to search, no need to beg, no need to cry, and no need to pray

You love me and I love you. You have filled the hole in my chest you have completed the test. You have brightened the tarnished heart.

Once in a lifetime and I have found you We are completed as a whole as one You love me forever I love you for eternity.

quick update

alrighty here's a quicky before heading off for my mammolgy class. i'm still head over heals for my boyfriend, weather in MO is surely crazy as it has always been (yay for snow *insert sarcastic happy face*, and all my classes seem to be mere refresher courses from high school all the way up to last semester. Not much has changed with the boyfriend just merely falling more and more in love with him each and every day. so yeah ... nice quick update. hugs to all.

^_^ simply amazing, period

Well this Christmas season to say the least has been the best to say the least. I'm simply just well ... hmmm unexplainable happiness ... SCORE! yes that's right the Rachet is in LOVE. you heard it from the mouth of the babe. It all started on the morning of Christmas when we invited family friends over for some breakfast i.e. pumpkin pecan french toast and sausages. Long story shortened and condensed.... i end up going over to their house because their son had invited me to play some video games and i didn't leave till 2am. next day ... watched movies and ate pizza and fell asleep on the couch after playing some Halo and what other video games ... HE didn't leave till around 6am sat. morning. Sat. he later on came back over and we played more games and watched more movies... i think Kung fu Panda. Sunday HOT TUB !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well that was later that night. For breakfast we had waffles since he had stayed the night (hehehe) and we didn't leave the house till like offically like later for the Hot tub and stayed there at his house. Monday till Wed pretty much just hung out ate over at either parent's places and spent the night at the corresponding house . Thursday NEW YEARS he spent the night and my fam as well as my boyfriend went to Springfield and spent pretty much the whole afternoon and evening there and ENJOYED the day. Friday my BF cooked some AMAZING short ribs and is to die for then played some rockband on his 360. I stayed over again. Today i had work this morning and he cooked me breakfast while i hoped into the shower to get a little freshen up for work ^_^ major browine points .. hehe not that we're keeping score now but he just keeps impressing me time and time again and i'm LOVIN' it and everysecond with him. We're practically inseperable cause we spend just about every second together except for when i have to go to work or something or other. Lovin life and livin every second well i suppose to the fullest it could be. ttfn folks

heart of glass

you say you love me and yet i see no evidence in the flesh you come up behind me to give me a surprise kiss you've stolen my heart, my glass heart, so fragile that with one touch it could shatter. Why must i feel submissive to appease you why do i have to not be my true self to keep you holding on to me you said you loved me and never let me go i see the evidence in my eyes that i am the one who changed you told me of a life, a life that could be ours one with gumdrops and sugarcane sweetness the kind that every young girl dreams of, a life of happiness and joy, something i wish and outside me reach i feel for you on the first day i saw you you had me from hello you had me at the moment we had out first kiss you've stolen my heart, my glass heart. Dreams and tales are made from the wise to always wish for what you can't not have to hide behind when times are tough to give you a mask and tell everyone it's fine If you make the wrong choices you can build up a wall a wall that can protect you from the hard destructive fall the fall that after you fell for what seemed like the one then sends you into a downward spiral and then a crash i thought i could make your puzzle pieces fit all that seems to be is that i glued pieces together trying to make it look like it worked, another mask for you this time don't just break my heart, crush it and grind it into the dirt while you're at it too Who needs a heart truly it just ends up getting in the way sugar, spice, and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of as for me, i have a little added ingredient, vinegar. I am who i am there is no one else that is as special and unique as me you may think you know the real me but honestly who really knows themselves I'll be your princess as long as you can be my prince sweep me off my feet and carry me away from here... lies fairy tales are made to give the young girls a mask, something to ease the pain truth and lies and pain and selfish acts are the real things that exist in this world nothing is ever gained if you lost everything before you had it you stole my heart, my pretty little glass heart

well, well what have i gotten myself into ;)

hahaha.. ok i've noticed i haven't written anything in a long time... hmmm... here's the skinny. It's cold outside now.. brrrrrr.. winter is just around the corner... *shivers and the thought* Schools is well school.. lol most of you feel and know this too :P My good friend, Rose has got me officially hooked on Invader Zim, Manga, and Ludo (yes you saw it right =P) hmmm.... idk........ nothing else truely exciting in my department. just normal young adult going through college things and trying to find a happy median with school work, friends, me time, and anything else that is to be done here in college and soaking up all the good times before it all flys past me and load and behold I'm out of college in my dream career with an adoring husband and kids...wow... time has truely flyin' past and thinking of when I was younger it's crazy. any who yeah .. i'm done ranting and updating on me. hugs